In today’s world the general approach towards sex has changed and instead of it being something that one engages in after a certain time, it can
Addicts do not enter recovery with healthy self-esteem. This affects their perception of what attributes they are bringing to the relationship bargaining table. This presents several problems. The first is that they are not looking for or getting much in the bargain for a partner. If they do not feel very good about themselves, or if their belief that they feel good about themselves is instead a defense mechanism, they will not expect much in return for what they bring.
With some creativity, imagination and planning, both passion and excitement can be sustained in sexual intimacy. Keep the fire burning. It is worth it. You’re worth it.
Get out of the box. Having sex just in your bedroom is boring. Attack him in the kitchen, give him oral on your way driving somewhere. Surprise him with a blow job when he least expects it. Initiate things by yourself, don't expect him to do everything and put all the fault/responsibility on him. You should take the lead if you want change, and you'll get it. When I say get out of the box, I'm talking about really getting outside of the box.
Train yourself to turn him on. You must become a student of your husband’s sexual desires and turn-ons. He will probably be open to more creativity and variation than you. That’s OK. Learn what he likes and desires. If you have a problem with something, discuss it and agree to not do anything that either person is not comfortable with. (Anything a husband and wife do together is good as long as it doesn’t harm physically, emotionally or mentally). On the other hand, if you are uncomfortable with something, explore the reasons why and ask God to change you if necessary. You will go a long way if, on occasion, you take turns asking this question: “Now, tell me exactly how I can please you tonight.” Or “Is there anything you would like me to do I haven’t done in a while or that would be a completely new thing?” This practice will open up each of you to be free, open, and less inhibited.
A patient of mine, a 50-year-old attractive unmarried man, came to therapy because he is ending yet another relationship in a long string of problematic relationships. In his early years, he lived a toxic household where he felt frightened and alone. As a result, he went into his own world of fantasizing and masturbation as a way to soothe and protect himself.